^ This exactly. NTA, at first I thought a couple pranks like whoopee cushions could be funny but hiding his inhaler is absolutely not a prank. That was about two years ago, fast forward to now. yes this..I have asthma and have had several severe asthma attacks that if I didnt have an inhaler on hand I probably wouldn't be here typing this. If you dont, it might literally become the hill your fianc dies on because they might hide his inhaler again. Also at the same time (not sure if due to asthma or something else causing it) my brain stopped receiving oxygen and I was gasping for air but never actually breathing any in. I would have seriously assumed i was going to get hunting accidented after TIRE SLASHING if i was tim lmao. This guy is going to go through an unending life of abuse if he doesn't cut and run. They going to be saying' 'it's just a prank bro" if he was hospitalized? There's enough idiots in the world who would say the same things I say but actually mean what they say. This x10000000000000000. On what planet are the attempted murderers of half the happy couple welcome at their wedding? All of them can go fuck themselves. By the time the ambulance got to me they said my skin was super grey and if my blood oxygen level dropped any lower I I most likely would have died. this. Most of us grow out of that around puberty, and those that don't absolutely deserve to feel the consequences of their poor choices because what excuse do they have? OP why do you let your family treat him like that? NTA. I hate to say it, but she set him up for it. Yeah It took me way too long to realise that the crime there is very simple. and her Mom Is a no better. I know at least two adult males who go by Timmy lmao. To not breathing. This. Id have bounced at the slashing tires. These aren't pranks. They would have just said he had left it at the campsite and tossed it back with his things or just lost it or something. Once upon a time I went to Vegas with my boyfriend and I thought it would be hilarious to tell all of my friends that I got married while I was there. To keep the peace they just put up with it. Your family is fked up and ruined any real relationship themselves. I bet they wouldn't laugh at any pranks that endangered their physical health. Who know what theyll try to pull there? Tim is being too kind. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Your fiance could press charges! Your question shouldn't be about uninviting your asshole family, it should be I would have dumped OP and never gotten involved with this family if she didn't stick up for me. Just a rug sweeper cause family.. That's only if they were "man enough" to tell her the truth. Nta. Please tell your husband that intractable pain of any kind needs to be seen. Stay strong. That's an asthma attack that could turn into a tragedy. this rubbed me the wrong way but i said fuck it and bought a ticket (90) because im a pretty shy person and thought this would be a good opportunity to get out my comfort zone! What a bunch of toxic people. What a nightmare. NTA. Literally willing to risk everything to be with you. Agreed. Also if she had to beg and beg for you to go with her she may have assumed you didn't want to come and she was relieving you of a burden when she cancelled. You think they are the only part of the family like this? And wanted to see if he was "man" enough to go through it without his inhaler, this is so toxic. There's a reason there's quite a lot of these shops, tires are heavy, can be difficult to adjust correctly and you wouldn't wanna risk your life just cause you aren't 100% sure you did everything perfectly. I would keep my future kids the fuck away from those toxic assholes. Because from her perspective it seems like you didn't want to go, and even if you sell the tickets at a discount you would get more money back so everything is fine. Of course youre NTA. Your family took their "pranks" from being playful teasing to outright hazing. If my fianc dumps my to escape my fam I would hate myself for the rest of my days. This should be the top comment. I'm autistic as well, and I agree that the /s helps a lot because we're at a point where I wouldn't be surprised either way. I've been there. A prank is like a joke. My guess is the OP and her mother have had this done to them all their life because the dad is most likely an abuser. Your fianc could have died! At my birthday they got me a PS5 last year and a new Xbox this year. I just cant believe people can be like this. It might be beneficial for you to also post this in r/raisedbynarcissists and do some research (if you haven't already) on narcissistic parents. The only excuse is that she has been raised in this toxic environment and does not realise how bad it is. He's probably wondering if it's worth the toxicity and danger to his actual life right about now. Hiding his inhaler and trying to kill/risk his life. Set up an event where the men have to breathe exclusively through a drinking straw in their mouths (noses plugged) while they rustle around in a backpack looking for a small item for 5 minutes. They don't know the severity of his condition and could have KILLED HIM. This is not pranking, it's abuse. Right?! ESH - uninviting them is the right thing to do but overall its just really fucking sad that your asshole family had to get to the point where they were risking Tims life before you decided to grow a spine. I had my first asthma attack when I was 5, and I don't know when this whole "test" thing starts in your family, but it has the potential to kill your future kids. probably just some well deserved peace and quiet. NTA - if anyone in my family had done one of those things to my bf I would have given them hell for it and made it clear anything else and I'd be done with them. in her text, she said we got better seats, so i asked who we is. . Except that the fiance's side of the family hasn't done anything wrong that we know of, and maybe OP and her fiance want a wedding. You dont hide an inhaler away from someone. Like a mechanic, finds whats wrong then fixes. If you and Tim chance to have a son, dont let him anywhere near your male relatives. I see this a lot when it comes to autism, so I'm very prone to taking statements like this at face value. They're not idiots; they're psychopaths. "However, I figured I . Especially if they dont believe his asthma and hid his inhaler till it was too late?? Bullies are going to bully, but at least if you elope, they won't have the opportunity and no one else will be asking you where your dad and brother are. anything that involves irreparable destruction of property cannot be called a prank. Would they have waited to see if he could start breathing on his own like a real man? Tell them they need to apologize and gain respect in your eyes .. Tell them that their insecurities about how manly they are is showing loud and clear to everyone. Here's a suggestion tell them that you'll invite them back if they tell a cop exactly what all they did, and ask the cop if it was illegal. NTA. Yet they all have immense respect for women and they dont think being able to breathe without an inhaler makes you manly. (Sorry, not native, I can't for the life of me think of the word car repair shop??). He could have died. Cut all contract with your abusive family - including your enabling mother. Are you at peace with the no contact and okay with never seeing your dad again? thank you for ur reply! ESH except your fianc. It's yours. NTA. I wonder how long they would have hid the inhaler if he started having an emergency. They are treating him like garbage. Seriously, people shouldnt mess with other peoples medical stuff regardless of whether its a pair of glasses, a wheelchair or an inhaler. Panicking when you can't breathe is a normal reaction. Oh Im sure they wanted to know about whether he would enforce gender inequality and support the patriarchy. NTA. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? NTA! They were a collective bag of dicks. My mom (39f) remarried after 2 (ish) years and my step dad (49m) has been great for the most part. If anyone slashed my (or fianc) tires or stole my life-saving medication as a prank, not only would they be uninvited from my wedding, theyd be out of my life completely and facing criminal charges. Because that lifetime of stress kills us. They are immature, idiot morons Even if it did though, so what? That wasnt a prank or a joke, it was an act of cruelty. NTA. If i were Tim, Id be very wary about marrying into your family. - Reddit, I mean GONDOR calls for aid!! They arent pranksters, theyre abusive assholes. Indeed and "it's just stuff men do..' No, no it isn't. Seriously consider it for his own safety AND for the safety of any future children. NTA at all. NTA WTF???? Your male relatives are a perfect example of toxic masculinity. You should have charged them for that and shutting this shit before the incident. This is curious that your siblings are not on your side . I thought that's the person doing the work, just wasn't sure where he'd be working; sometimes my English just says bye haha, Mechanic is a good word! If it was me, they would be the last people on my mind to invite to a wedding." "They dont deserve your time. They are being toxic AH, stealing necessary medication is not a prank. This is abusive. I knew a lot of stuff was bad or unhealthy, but I'm still learning things even to this day. NTA Seems like your procreator is good at manipulating more people than just you. He's the "type of man" you decided to marry and that's all they need to fucking know. I think the inhaler thing was just the last straw. This doesn't mean men aren't ignored & gaslit by doctors because they are. I hope she learns to put him before her extended family. what if he needed his inhaler? But while its slightly soothing to me and my core family to know that basically, I cough. NTA but you're lucky that your fiance haven't left you yet. See how they liked it. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. NTA. And now youre questioning whether youre the asshole for uninviting them to your wedding?! Sometimes, even when we are justified in going no contact, we can later regret it, and then the whole argument for it in the first place feels less important and we focus on what we can never have. They can be the sweetest people, but they are also the most judgemental and mean to the point I have a screwed up perspective of "teasing" due to them. Leave them uninvited. They could be arrested! Your male family members sound like toxic sexist AH, who love bullying under the pretense of how manly they are. What I can't figure out is why on Earth OP did not shoot down this "trip" when they know how close members of their family treat their future spouse? eversince my fiance (Tim 23) and I got engaged, my cousin, brother, dad and uncle joked about running some 'tests' to see what "type" of man Tim is. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? He's been through enough hazing and taken it in stride for YOUR sake. The fact he still wants to continue in this relationship says a lot about his feelings for you. Yeah, it can range in severity. Privacy Policy. This. It should've been stopped long before this. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! Actually I'd call OP TA for continuing to expose Tim to this. If I sat there and let one of my weird relatives bully him, or god forbid, put his life in danger, (say, for example, by hiding an important medical device like an inhaler) hed be fully justified in running for the damn hills. OP, how have you not filed a police report?? I agree. anyway, its my mums birthday next week and i was going to take the family out for dinner at a nice restaurant. if all four tires are slashed you can call insurance to cover it as an attack. But I keep refusing to re invite them. NTA, and just go NC with the whole lot - even your mom, because she clearly supports this shit. I feel like it is finally time to cut my dad off but idk AITA? Go elope. I agree that OP never thought it was okay. This is bullying. This was cruel. if OP's fiance was my friend or family member, i would tell him to end this relationship asap before anything worse happens and no person is worth this hassle. Your male family members seem to think petty crime is pranking. Press J to jump to the feed. The truth is their pranks were expensive and hurtful - and nobody is laughing. Privacy Policy. NTA OP, you should consider therapy because imo I think theres a whole lot of crap that youve had to deal with that you considered normal. I suggest you tell them that you understand that they're intimidated by someone with a real education and who idea of fun isn't dumb jock humour but that you move beyond such immature behaviour and they're out of your life altogether until they apologise to TIM and if they ever "prank" him again they out for ever. Like Im sorry, who are you? And I'd say their behavior is not funny nor normal. That's what I was thinking & why I suggested elopement. Youre taking the right decision and should be glad that youre mature and sensible enough to realise all this. He didn't drive a wedge, they did! Starting a married life together is supposed to be a wonderful thing, it's not worth letting it get soured by people who's opinions don't even matter like yours does. If they asked where he was, he was with his own family, but I was going to see them later. Because I'm sure as hell don't think it will stop at the wedding. And he'd be right to do so. Also you are not ruining the relationship with your family. They could have killed him. OPyes, this is the hill you are willing to die on. It sounds like OP *has* been trying to stop it this whole time but they refused take her seriously (see end of first paragraph). They're fucking nasty and they're doing it on purpose. YTA if you keep allowing this behavior against your guy. Lastly, as you're getting married, I don't know if you're planning to have children, but there is a genetic component to asthma, so you also have to consider the ramifications of ignoring this behavior now and your children spending time with the men in your family in the future. You're siblings are just pissed because now they'll be targeted. Things only got crazier when my dad and his wife eloped behind everyones backs and i found out about it on Facebook and then for years now has told me that its my fault they didnt have a wedding. His lips are turning purple! Or he leaves her, and her family continues driving away every decent person until she finally ends up with someone as abusive as they are. Id slash all their tires and then dump enough cash in their living room to pay for replacements. Read this before contacting the mod team. Or messes with someones health as a prank? Or the panic and other feelings all together when you feel you cant breathe. Who shows you affection and makes you happy and feel loved? Honestly, if I were your fiance, I'd have left when you showed through your actions that's it's ok for your family to SLASH HIS TIRES. Because frankly, If I was your fianc, stealing the inhaler would have been my breaking point and I would have called off the wedding completely. Time to cut these assholes out of your life. That wasn't a prank. And they are still insisting YOU are wrong for disinviting them. From one person whos been through this to another, thank you for having the courage to step back and stop the cycle. Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him. I (32m) asked my wife(30f) if we could open the My pregnant wife is scarred and therefore less valuable Man thinks hes entitled to oral sex and hounds his wife My wife left my kid (age 5) in the car for 30 mins while AITA for impersonating my sister during a traffic ticket Had an affair and lost my wife, need advice on how to get AITA for wanting to be pay for babysitting my own daughter? NTA. ", Then why tf did you ask him if you knew he was gonna be biased lmao. Heaven forbid you have a son that needs an EpiPen with these monsters around. You are protecting your fiance from bullies. not that I fault OP when their family is coming down hard trying to convince OP its just a prank bro. I would have left a long time ago. Shes realized now that their behavior is way out of line and is standing up for her fianc and their relationship. I even got ignored by her extended family for a year because, when visiting their trailer for a weekend, I waited for instruction instead of just "jumping in and doing it" when they were rebuilding docks, something I'd never experienced before. They committed destruction of property at the very least. I would presume that they had a similar experience with him. I will say though - you NEED to go to bat for him more. You can die from an asthma attack! He was bragging about this? Or, go rogue - cancel the wedding and elope. Read this before contacting the mod team. They've done stuff like forcing him to play chess 4 times in a raw, secretly slashed his tires to see if he'd fix it himself like a man or get help like those "lazy" guys, They'd asked him questions like what joke he'd like to tell his future MIL, his opinions on abortion, jesus, gender equality etc. NTA. Id go no contact if my family acted like that. NTA for disinviting them stand your ground OP. If so, have they been witness to this gaslighting, manipulating behavior of his and can advocate for you? All they are doing is trying to determine if your fianc holds values like them or not. What if you had to get somewhere fast or had to get to work? To follow this. After the tire slashing I would have called the cops and gone NC. My relationship with my stepdad has been problematic from the very beginning. NTA. Those two alone are enough to go low or no contact. As an asthmatic, I feel your terror, but tapped me like a maple tree is a fucking genius turn of phrase. I do not understand how they were not uninvited after the tire slashing. Slashing tires costs money and time and possibly work. Were I Tim Id be rethinking marrying you. . But by cutting him out you're relationship with the other family members may have to change as well. not let this ruin my relationship with my family. Their pranks have been unacceptable - in some cases criminal and in the case of the inhaler, something that could have landed them a manslaughter charge in the worst case scenario. NTA. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I loved my dad and was happy that he was happy though. I've had male coworkers of a certain age come to work with unrelenting chest pain. Tim has your approval. Your mom is just as conditioned as you are/were. Also, asthma attacks can be deadly. My husband currently has lower right back pain that shoots to his groin and the chiropractor cant fix it. He still went camping with them after months (years?) And they just showed you they've no idea where the line between pranks and fatal consequences is. Thank you for writing this so that I didnt have to. My family thinks I am the asshole because of how harshly I spoke to him, that i chose stepdad over him and that I broke his heart. I told him no because I need to go to work. What kind of fiance would you be if you didn't stand up for him? NTA, You set a healthy boundary with your family (which is difficult to do) and they violated that. Id tell them since they suck so much at life they can sit at the house and play pranks on one another and if mommy wants to get involved, she can sit her ass at the house with them as well. OP is fucking tim over by the numbers by waffling. All they're doing is alienating you and your man from the rest of the family. What an exhausting way to go through life for your dad and the people who care about him. In your future husband's shoes, I'd have walked away from this relationship after it became clear being a part of your life invited stuff like this from your family, frankly, although I'm happy for you that he did stick around. He's an American actually fortunate enough to have access to healthcare and is bragging that he doesn't get it, despite obviously needing it? Cookie Notice this is wildly inappropriate at best, and really not funny. So, he leaned into my husband's strengths, which was his extreme empathy and ability to navigate social situations and deal with mental health issues (husband is a social worker now, was studying to be one at the time). Nta. Theyd be lucky if being disinvited was the worst thing youd do to them. YTA to let these pranks happen to him for way to long, Lol how was she letting the pranks happen? Child abuse waiting to happen. Those are the only answers any concerned parties need to know. NTA, your username is more accurate than you may even realize. Pranks are something harmless everyone can laugh at. This is no joke. A lot. He should get to decide. Untreated asthma attacks have long lasting consequences (I have asthma and can attest). slashing tires?? He could have died while they played the prank hiding his inhaler. Yeah youre not the asshole for that but you are the asshole. This is hazing, and it could have turned deadly. Its toxic. You think they wanted to hear he was FOR gender equality? If not, they really should be smarter than that. This goes way beyond the realm of a prank. Get away from these people and their toxic masculinity. He has had some health complications straight after and I feel like they blame me for this as well. Um you both didnt cut off contact after his tires were slashed? . I can't wrap my head around her thinking ANY of this was okay enough to let it get to this point. '' to tell her the truth is their pranks were expensive and hurtful - and nobody is.... He was `` man enough '' to tell her the truth is pranks... Its a pair of glasses, a wheelchair or an inhaler makes you manly with monsters. So toxic them for that but you 're siblings are just pissed because now they be. Very simple same things i say but actually mean what they say saying ' 'it 's just stuff men..... I didnt have to call insurance to cover it as an asthmatic i! 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